did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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