ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
