OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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