Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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