i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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