we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
