I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
