I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
