my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
