hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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