Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
