At least make sure they are 18
Why
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Randomize
