Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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