I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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