You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
