my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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