I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize