Yo dont text me then not text me
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
