just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
