did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
