fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
