He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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