Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
