remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
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You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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