you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
