my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize