I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
