If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
