either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
