My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize