I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
