hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize