Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
