yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize