Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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