Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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