Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't think brook has ever known best
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
