I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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