john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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