You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
