Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
