Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
