i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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