Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
