I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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