life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think a kid would responsible me up
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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