Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My balls are so social today.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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