You really coming over, don't trick.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just found puke in my bra..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
