She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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