Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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