He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
