We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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