Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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