when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
