New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
