dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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