she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
