If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
