he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
