He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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