Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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