i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
