god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
