I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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