i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
