We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My bed smells like the plague
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
