Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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