You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
