so that wasnt chicken after all
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
