haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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