I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
