4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
