Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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