I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
