I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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