I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
