I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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