You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
